Episode 5.5: Thirst

Lana joins a sorority at Met U in the hopes that it will put a roof over her head as she goes through college. The problem is that the sorority is made up of hot bimbo vampires who think she fits the bill. When they turn Lana, she starts acting wild and careless. Eventually, she bites Chloe. When Clark takes her to the hospital he discovers, thanks to Milton Fine, that the virus she's been struck with has something to do with a Luthorcorp project. When Clark bursts into the mansion to confront Lex about it, Lex is very upfront with what happened, providing the antidote. Clark uses it to cure Lana but not before she toasts the leader of the sorority, with the heat vision she acquires, after biting Clark.

Oh dear lord, what is this episode?!! Where do I start? After my criticisms of the previous episode's sleaziness, with regard to the flesh it had on show, this one decides to turn it way up to eleven. A sexed up Lana in a sexed up sorority house are just the tip of the iceberg in an episode that includes a lesbian vampire kiss and plenty of tight fighting pvc costumes. This definitely feels like a bunch of 14 year old boys broke into the writer's room and edited the script to include all their teenage fantasies. I feel quite embarrassed for Kristen Kreuk throughout the majority of it. She looks terribly uncomfortable, and not just because of the awkward looking fangs she has to wear, that make her talk with a lisp.

There are some unintentionally funny moments too. Not least of which the aforementioned moment of Clark bursting into the mansion on Lex. This happens so often now this it's practically a running joke. But I literally cracked up with laughter when it happened. Another moment that almost had me in stitches was when Lana first uses heat vision. When Clark first erupted fire from his eyes it was because the sight of his teacher made him horny. Then Lionel experienced the same thing when he swapped bodies with Clark in season 4's "Transference". It was a hug from Martha that got him all excited. When Lana first shoots fire from her eyes she is looking into a mirror at... herself??? I laughed out loud at this moment but I don't think it was intended. Either way, it doesn't say much for Lana's character.

Speaking of which, she is totally inconsistent in her behaviour throughout. One minute she's a changed woman who doesn't care about Clark anymore because the vampire inside her has taken control. The next minute she's having doubts and acting affectionately towards him like she does still have control. If it is indeed the latter then she's responsible for some very questionable behaviour that really highlights some major defects in her character.

I also don't like the way that Clark's attention lingers on one of the sorority girls, like a horny teenager, given that he's so devoted to Lana. Again, it comes across as sleazy and, more importantly, it cheapens the relationship between Clark and Lana and makes Lana's words to him later on feel unearned. The fact of the matter is that this episode really does do a disservice to both characters.

As for the sorority girls themselves? They are a bunch of stereotypical Mean Girls wannabees that are so over the top, without being ammusing, they just seriously irritate the crap out of me.

Once again, it is Lex who shines, particularly in his scenes with Milton Fine, as he goes to Fine's classroom to challenge the accusations he's been making about him to Clark. Rosenbaum is great in these scenes, as is James Marsters as Fine. Carrie Fisher is also great in her guest role as editor of the Daily Planet. I only wish there was more of this stuff instead of all the really annoying vampire stuff!

4/10